I want to tell Chaman Lal's story. To me, he epitomizes being poor but rich of spirit and blessed. I wanted to tell his story today, but my body chokes my voice back in fear.
God please help me to understand why I hurt inside. Is it because of my sins? Is it the battle between good and evil waging inside of me? What can I do to help good win quickly? Will these battles end the war? Will I someday live in bliss once love prevails?
I have failed, time and time again. I have tried new things, and I have made the wrong choices. I burn from those choices. I burn in the atoms in my flesh. Can I run this pain out? I must be persistent, I must persevere. I know it gets better but why why god why do I face this burning emptiness time and time again? This is hell on earth, can I escape it by following Jesus? Oh Jesus Jesus Jesus please come into me and fill me up with the holy spirit instead of this satanic sandpaper lava.
Do I turn to God because I am weak and have no one else, or do I turn to God because I know God is the answer and the Truth. How do I live in this world with God in me? How do I let God into me when I am so often clenched with fear.
It will take hard work. It will be hard to transform, and that is what I am doing, I am sure of it. I am in the process of transformation, but my body, my past fights against it, fights to hold on to the familiar, to retain the status quo, clinging to what I know and fighting against facing the unknown. But I know that I have to let go completely. Will I walk through insanity? Will I remain insane? Does it matter?
God please help me to understand why I hurt inside. Is it because of my sins? Is it the battle between good and evil waging inside of me? What can I do to help good win quickly? Will these battles end the war? Will I someday live in bliss once love prevails?
I have failed, time and time again. I have tried new things, and I have made the wrong choices. I burn from those choices. I burn in the atoms in my flesh. Can I run this pain out? I must be persistent, I must persevere. I know it gets better but why why god why do I face this burning emptiness time and time again? This is hell on earth, can I escape it by following Jesus? Oh Jesus Jesus Jesus please come into me and fill me up with the holy spirit instead of this satanic sandpaper lava.
Do I turn to God because I am weak and have no one else, or do I turn to God because I know God is the answer and the Truth. How do I live in this world with God in me? How do I let God into me when I am so often clenched with fear.
It will take hard work. It will be hard to transform, and that is what I am doing, I am sure of it. I am in the process of transformation, but my body, my past fights against it, fights to hold on to the familiar, to retain the status quo, clinging to what I know and fighting against facing the unknown. But I know that I have to let go completely. Will I walk through insanity? Will I remain insane? Does it matter?
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